The seat suddenly sticks to your back like fly paper and your head fills with pressure. Your stomach drops. Your heart beats faster. This is it, maybe I die today.
Nope, still here.
Everytime the plane takes off, the thought of crashing comes to my mind. I smile to myself, as I think I'm not the only one.
It merely a flash, a glimpse, and then it's gone. We're in the air and I start focusing on the adventure ahead. Goose bumps. But not from flying.
It was on my bucket list for some time. And fore the first time, I've actually went through with my new years resolutions. It's a special kind of satisfaction, when you actually do what you wished for so long. Usually, I would find some reasons to justify my indecisive nature, but after a while, this became an irritation.
I want to, I wish to, I'm scared, I don't have the money, I don't have the time, I can't afford to leave my bussiness, when, someday ... What a bunch of bullshit stories. Sadly, many of those we start to believe. Not a bedtime story I'd look forward to.
JUST GO FOR IT
I want to travel, but I don't want to do it alone. And I admire anyone who has done it. But me? No, I'm too scared. I'm just gonna stay here, on-line drool over amazing experiences people have and feel sorry for myself. I'm gonna tell myself all the reasons I can't be one of those people.
That's the way to fulfilment. Wait, what?
Spending New Years eve all alone wasn't something I've planned to do, but as it turned out, it was necessary. It gave me time to think about what I want for the upcoming year.
One of the scariest decisions was to quit a job I've been doing for almost 7 years and dive into the unknown.
This, and the Atlantic ocean.
In January I said fuck that and booked a flight.
I always wanted to learn how to surf, so Portugal it is.
THIS YEAR I WILL
After three months of working as a full time personal trainer, the only thing I ask myself is why the hell I haven't done this earlier. Because being scared and resisting welcome change also means staying in the 'known'. But that's just how it is, we fucking love the certainty.
The majority of our suffering usually comes from holding on that which doesn't serve the purpose anymore. And with it, another story of how we should be content with that suffering, because living any other way isn't possible. I just don't buy that, sorry.
My appreciation of certainty, certainly goes a long way, but there's something thrilling about the unknown. The stuff around the corner. The chase and the wait. And the pursue of things that make your mind grow.
Portugal was amazing. I've met dozens of interesting people, laughed my heart out, heard some fascinating ghost stories, and drank beer in the middle of Lisbon as sun caressed my cheek. I've battled with the waves, appreciated graceful Buddha statues, drank liquor from a chocolate cup in a beautiful historic town, learned how to stand up on a surf and haven't had a single regret about eating spoonfuls of Nutella, daily.
I still struggle with emotional eating, more than I'd be happy to admit. I've managed to get past the point of bingeing, but it's a kind of pain I'm maybe not ready to let go of. The frustration remains and I've learned that more that I try to get rid of my insecurities with different challenges, the more they grow. I'll get where I want to be, eventually. So I let them, just be. I let myself, just be.
BE INSPIRED ... AUSTRALIA AWAITS
There's a journey in front which I promised to share with you. I'm leaving next year, but until then, some goals remain to be crushed. By all means possible, I want to inspire. Anything you truly want, is possible.
Stop telling yourself bedtime stories and take the steps that need to be taken. Fear is a real feeling and some decisions are amazingly hard to take. But at the end of the day ...
Isn't the feeling of our hearts beating faster with genuine joy all that we yearn for?
Don't settle for less than every moment of your life.
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